Ditching the water bed

Mon, 8 Feb 2010 00:00:00 CST

Possibly one of the last holdouts, we finally made the decision to replace our circa 1970 water bed with a Tempur-Pedic � mattress and bed.

While bed delivery people routinely dispose of old mattresses, they want nothing to do with dis-assembly of water beds. So this task was on us. Let me rephrase: with Kristin out of town, the task was on me. (Thanks, Shawn Emery, for offering to help.)

They were to deliver the new bed Tuesday morning, so I had all Monday to drain, disassemble, and dispose of the old bed in preparation. After fixing Ricky some breakfast, I set up the pump and started the first step: draining the big bladder of water.

Throughout the day, I would periodically check that it was working. It was, albeit more slowly than I would have preferred. I took a couple opportunities to adjust the hose's position, but had little effect on the speed.

About 9:00p, I had Ricky down for the night, and returned my focus to the bed. It still had roughly 350 pounds of water left in the bladder. At this point, I identified two paths:

Go to bed immediately, letting it continue to drain. I could set my alarm for 2:00a and hope it was light enough to disassemble at that point.
Power through the effort now, attempting to dispose of the full bed, then hope for an uninterrupted night of sleep.

I opted for the later. I disconnected the hoses and dragged the water-filled bladder down off the bed. It hit the carpet with muted splash followed by some gurgling.

My plan at this point was to drag this bag towards my bathroom and, with all my might, lift it into the tub where it could be further drained. I made it through the bathroom door and towards the tub. Already a panting, sweaty, mess, I realized there was no way I was going to maneuver it into the tub. Every part of the bladder I lifted sent the water fleeting to other areas of the bladder. Unless I could squat-lift a bag of water twice my size, I'd have to come up with another solution.

After a few minutes of thought (and daydreams of a good night's rest), I came up with a revised plan: drag the bladder through the bathroom, bedroom, living room, out onto the back balcony. There, I would gut it like a pig and let the water rain sixty feet down into the alley below.

It worked pretty much as well as you would expect:

My shoes got a little wet.
The dead plants below got a solid watering.
There is now a sizable ice patch in the alley.
As far as I've heard, no downstairs neighbors were unfortunate enough to have been enjoying their balconies at the time.

After most of the water had drained, the bladder was light enough to lift into a cart and take down to the dumpster. The dis-assembly and disposal of the bed frame went fairly smoothly.

After taking this long to document the story, I wish I had profound advice to bestow. If I learned anything, it�s that, should you find yourself in a similar situation, negotiate strongly to have the old bed removed. If all else fails, bribe the delivery men to do the same.

Everyone hates spammers; But I've got my eye on you

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:00:00 CST

I've used a process for a while now, where I give a unique email address to every company with which I do business. (Email providers like Gmail make this relatively easy.) Normally, it just helps me sort my incoming messages. With any modern email program, it's fairly straight-forward to automatically filter messages that match certain criteria. You could keep order confirmations in one folder, file emails from clients separately, etc. (I won't bore you with the details.)

A few months ago, I voluntarily filled-out a form at the Tilted Kilt in Chicago to "help our waitress" enter a raffle or something. On the form, I provided an email address that was only given to that establishment.

Over the course of the next couple months, I received promotional materials from them. No surprise. They sent me a birthday coupon; they promoted their upcoming calendar; I completely expected this and didn't mind.

But just today, I received an unsolicited email at that same address from International Art Jewelers -- that just happens to be in the same building as Tilted Kilt! Suspicious?

I called the jewelry store, mentioned the email I received, and asked where they got my address. His immediate response was: "Have you ever visited Tilted Kilt?"

They sold me out! Despite a privacy policy promising otherwise, they did just that. They're not the only seemingly reputable company I've uncovered with this process. I'm looking in your direction: Audi, Focus Camera, Snap.com, ZoomInfo.com, and All of MP3.

My point wasn't to simply bash TK. Don't get me wrong � I love the place! My point was to warn you about the information you provide so willingly. Even though you might trust the company today, will you always trust them? (Computers don't "forget" information, simply because it's old. Are you proud of everything you did in high school or college? What would your current employer/client think?) Do you trust their friends? (If that company partners or is acquired by another company in the future, they will surely share information.) How do you know they won't violate your trust? In the case of email, maybe the harm isn't that great: We get a little more spam. What if it was a phone company that shared my calling logs? What if it were a search engine that shared my history? What if it were a bank that shared my buying habits?

Sleep Habits of Infant Mammals

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 00:00:00 CST

After about a year and a half of research, I've come to a few conclusions about the sleep habits of infant mammals. Specifically, they have an innate ability to coordinate the duration of their own sleep cycles with ambient phenomenon, specifically:

The REM cycle of the typical adult (just when you're really sleeping soundly, it will be interrupted by a crying baby.)
Gap between interesting periods of a movie (Just as the movie progresses to another interesting action sequence, they'll wake up again.)
Expiration of prepared formula (As soon as the milk from their last wake-event expires, that's when they'll wake up.)

Random Thoughts of the Day

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 00:00:00 CST

I recently received this email forward, and figured plajorized content was better than no new content! Some of these remind me of Aaron Karo's Ruminations.

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
Remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow it, and that magically fixed the problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know to do that? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Only if you suck at it.
LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile?
Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
Watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering for both China and USA. I am not of Chinese descent, but I'm fairly certain that Chinese athletes who don't win are executed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but I've learned from some light internet stalking.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles.
As a driver I hate pedestrians; as a pedestrian I hate drivers. No matter my mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
Years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, if I find out that I'm sterile, my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

Spectrum of Shoe Hatred

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:00:00 CST

I understand that women wear shoes for a variety of reasons. The obligatory foot protection/warmth aside, they can add to an outfit. There are, however, a number of mistakes that women make when choosing footwear. I've taken the time to create the following graphic to assist the fairer sex in their selection:

(If you cannot see the above image on this website, read this article at its source.)

In essence, there is a "spectrum of hatred" towards shoes. On the somewhat acceptable end, you have orthopedic shoes worn primarily by nurses or people with a bad case of gout. If someone sees you wearing these shoes on the street, they'll assume you work on your feet all day and have sacrificed a social life for your comfort. I didn't say they'd respect you, but at least they'd understand.

On the extreme other end of the spectrum are Crocs and Uggs. Wearing Crocs, it's apparent that you've given up on any semblance of self-respect. And there's little excuse for those fuzzy boots, either. They're not only ugly, but expensive too! When people on the street see you wearing those, they're overwhelmed by a strong desire to kick you in the ankles as hard as possible.

In conclusion, if it's your masochistic intent to repulse those around, feel free to traipse around town in the above-referenced footwear as much as possible. If, like most people, you desire the company of others, print and laminate this page as a handy reference of shoes to avoid while shopping.

Privacy in LinkedIn

Thu, 9 Oct 2008 00:00:00 CST

For those of you without a LinkedIn profile, imagine Facebook or MySpace. Only instead of constantly getting friend requests from hosts of Romanian sex website, you're more likely to connect with well-intentioned businesspeople desiring to maintain their professional networks, find a new position, or find a resource. (Or recruiters, but I'll leave that for another rant...)

Anyway, one interesting feature that LinkedIn supports is that you get see, albeit somewhat anonymized, who viewed your profile. It doesn't quite list people by name, but instead gives broad generalities for their position. For instance, it might say "Someone in the Executive Leadership function in the Staffing and Recruiting industry from the Greater Chicago area" or a "Manager at Fujitsu Consulting."

I wonder about what it says when I view someone's profile. I work independently for my own company, so my job title is both "Supreme Commander" and "Guy who sweeps the floor at night."

I suppose it's a little disappointing that I probably don't have that same level of privacy, but it's a small price to pay for not having to wade through management next time I ask for a raise.

Things You Should Not be Able to do on Facebook

Tue, 7 Oct 2008 00:00:00 CST

Here's a few things you should not be able to do on Facebook:

Caption a photo of you and your girl friends as "my beautiful ladies" when they're all beat.
Post the phrases "It's about time!" or "Finally!" to the wall of a friend who's just now signing up.
Make your profile private if you're a dude.
List your age as 99 years old.
List that you're "married" to your best friend.
Post a profile photo of you and a celebrity.
Only post photos that make it difficult to extrapolate how hot you actually are.

Credit: Aaron Karo in Rumination #123

Inconsideration of Realtors

Wed, 9 Jul 2008 00:00:00 CST

As you may know, we've had our condo on the market for a couple months. During that time, I think we've either been exposed to the rudest real estate agents in the region or been given a glimpse at the sad state of agents in today's market.

We're in an unfortunately unique situation where we cannot grant agents access to our building. Whenever a showing is scheduled, we have to be physically present to "buzz them in". This means that, compared to other sellers who might use a lock-box, we're personally sensitive to buying agents being on-time. You would be amazed at the percentage of agents who have a complete disrespect for sellers' schedule.

Tardiness
If someone makes an appointment to be at your home at 2:20p, I have a reasonable expectation that they would arrive roughly at that time. Heck � they were specified 2:20, not 2:30 -- I take them at their word. Several times, I've had to leave work, commute home to meet them, wait for a while, only for them to be there thirty minutes late, an hour late, or never at all.

Lack of Notice
"Hi, this is [real estate firm]. We've got an agent in the building; do you mind if they stop by to see your home?" Are you kidding me? We keep our place reasonably clean, and are especially careful to do so while it's on the market. But how would you like it if someone gave you thirty seconds notice before coming into your home, examining your bathtub, and peering under your kitchen sink?

Disclosure of Code
For a few showings, we were able to grant the agents access to our unit using a combination-secured lock-box outside our door. When the lock-box is outside, we're basically pinning the safety and security of our home and all our belongings on a three-letter combination. Needless to say, we're a little hesitant. But we try to convince ourselves that real estate agents are trustworthy individuals. They're accustomed to having access to sellers' home, and would surely keep the code in confidence. Unfortunately, we were mistaken. On one showing where the lock-box was outside our door, Kristin happened to overhear the agent entering the combination. Yes, "hear." As the agent was entering the combination to gain access to our home, she was repeating it aloud for her potential buyers to hear. Twice. Just in case they didn't get a chance to make note of it the first time. I can't possibly think of a legitimate reason why a potential buyer would need to retain access to our home after their scheduled showing.

Dead Sea Effect

Wed, 2 Jul 2008 00:00:00 CST

I read an interesting article about what the author coins the Dead Sea effect. In the article, Bruce Webster suggests one reason why it's so difficult for IT organizations to acquire and retain qualified staff:

The Dead Sea, of course, is a large body of water between Israel and Jordan [...]. The Jordan River empties into it; water leaves only by evaporation, which means that over the eons, the Dead Sea has become very salty [...].

Many large [IT shops] work like the Dead Sea. New hires are brought in as management deems it necessary. Their qualifications [...] will tend to vary quite a bit, depending upon current needs, employee departure, the personnel budget, and the general hiring ability of those doing the hiring. All things being equal, the general competency of the IT department should have roughly the same distribution as the incoming hires.

But in my experience, that's not what happens. Instead, [...] the more talented and effective IT engineers are the ones most likely to leave � to evaporate, if you will. They are the ones least likely to put up with the frequent stupidities and workplace problems that plague large organizations; they are also the ones most likely to have other opportunities that they can readily move to.

What tends to remain behind is the 'residue' � the least talented and effective IT engineers. They tend to be grateful they have a job and make fewer demands on management; even if they find the workplace unpleasant, they are the least likely to be able to find a job elsewhere. They tend to entrench themselves, becoming maintenance experts on critical systems, assuming responsibilities that no one else wants so that the organization can't afford to let them go.

As uncomfortable as it is to hear, I have to say I'd agree with Webster. I, too, have witnessed situations where internal employees were only kept on the payroll because it was easier than recruiting new talent. At least in Illinois, where the at-will employment rule is still largely in effect, I'm surprised when managers take the easy path and keep an incompetent employee around. In extreme cases, I've seen their presence do very little to support the teams efforts, while carrying/teaching the worst-offenders has a very real potential to hindering the team's productivity and camaraderie.

Meeting Efficacy

Tue, 1 Jul 2008 00:00:00 CST

After years working for private and public sector clients, I've learned something about the efficacy of all meetings. The productivity of any meeting is inversely proportional to the number of times the phrase "work smarter, not harder" is shown on a slide during said meeting. If you happen to get advance copies of a slide deck and see that phrase, I strongly advise you to quickly make conflicting plans.

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