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Friends Quotes

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not your sport.
Back To Top-- [unknown]

Unless you intend to kill him immediately; never kick a man in the testicles.
Back To Top-- [unknown]

3, 6, 9, 12...Uh...More than Twelve.
Back To Top-- Scott Bruining

If, at any time, you don't feel like you're the luckiest guy in the world because you GET to go out with her...You're in the wrong relationship.
Back To Top-- Laura Bucher

I mean she's slept with guys, but NEVER had sex...you gotta ask yourself, does she have morals, or is she just that stupid?
Back To Top-- Scott Bruining

Word of advice: do NOT tell your girlfriend she's a whore!
Back To Top-- Kristin Bures
to Rick Conklin

Life isn't like a box of chocolate. Sometimes you get shit on.
Back To Top-- Kristin Bures

You know your not drunk if you can lay flat on the floor without holding on.
Back To Top-- [unknown]

Some girls think they are hot snot on a silver platter...but they're really just a cold bugger on a paper plate.
Back To Top-- Aunt Frank

I would do it for $6
Back To Top-- Kristin Bures
on purchasing a T-shirt

General rule of thumb: Never date a woman with pubes longer than her hair.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

you stupid dumb shit cock suckin mother fuckin whore...
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

Make like a prom dress and take off!
Back To Top-- Colin Kendrick

Did you see that come out of my ass?
Back To Top-- James Hartsock

Did Someone just knock on the door?
No, That was just me farting.
Back To Top-- James Hartsock & Scott Bruining

Slip it in.
There's already one in there!
Back To Top-- Jessica Viskup & Eric

Did you get it in?
Back To Top-- Sarah Caton

Safe sex is the best sex so cover up and thrust your way to heaven.
Back To Top-- Sarah Caton

Willy, close your windows right now or there will be no thrusting for you tonight!
Back To Top-- Heather Desinger

Guys with bad grammer turn me off.
Back To Top-- Mike Akrush
this is actually a male, we all think he's BiSexual

If I minded, I would have yelled at you already.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

How's Rick?
Which one?
The one I didn't sleep with
Back To Top-- Sandy Phillips & Bill Dvorak
talking about Rick Conklin

WOW, my knees hurt
Back To Top-- A girl at the football game.
ok, shuddup, it was funny at the time.

You can hang onto it while you're showering.
Back To Top-- Tom Heintzman

I've never fucked a rabbit...just put it that way.
Back To Top-- Scott Bruining

Who's that?
Walter Mathows and Elvis
Which one's Elvis?
Back To Top-- Christina Kedzior & Damon Nicholas

Yeah, but you couldn't get it up then.
Tie a popsicle stick to it.
Back To Top-- Keith Pacourek & Bill Dvorak

Life is like a dick: When it gets hard, fuck it.
Back To Top-- Sara Caton

You know vight avay; No Vay!
Back To Top-- Professor Chitgopaycar
ISU

You a all gentle men and gentle vomen. You a not goin' to beat me and snatch eet from my hands.
Back To Top-- Professor Chitgopaycar
ISU

I am sensible to that.
Back To Top-- Dr. Vila
ISU

I despise that little man.
Back To Top-- Dr. Vila
ISU, reffering to VonNeuman's concept of the little man computer

Let's see if we can turn down the lights and get it up.
Back To Top-- Professor Doherty
ISU, referring to a multimedia presentation

I was blessed with a nice ass. I'm not afraid to admit it.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

Odin is like a curly pubic hair hanging off the huge powerful nutsack of the rs6000.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin

She's not great, but don't get me wrong. I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers.
Back To Top-- Willy Borkowski

You're pretty cute...and you have nice pubes too!
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

I need something small...Not that Damon.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

I've got no beef.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

I have no respect for girls' feelings. That kinda concerns me.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

I stick everything up there...nothing works. I tried baby oil, vasoline, blistex, nothing works.
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels

Ohhh...I'de like to get up on that fuzzy one.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

Have you seen those little balls? They're hard!
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels

3 feet long and 2 feet wide.
Show me where it is!
Back To Top-- Jessica Viskup & Katy Bartels

There's a Holiday Inn; Let's Go!
Ahhhh...
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels & Rick Conklin

The longer you bitch, the longer I play.
Back To Top-- Jen

(referring to the number of IRC people you know) Remember, I count for two people cause I'm big.
and Bi-Sexual.
Back To Top-- Jen & Rick Conklin

Was that Hard again?
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin

Even when I lost 50lbs, These things stayed the same size.
Back To Top-- Jen

Do you wanna feel it? Just let your hand go loose. Push it harder.
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels

I forgot my jerk-off tool at home.
That's OK, I'll help you.
Back To Top-- Willy Borkowski & Katy Bartels

Give it up to me old lady!
Back To Top-- Chris Conley

Being around me makes people grow.
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels

Did you see that huge one that had a seven inch thing?
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels

I have this small thing again.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

Now, about you..
Back To Top-- Colin Kendrick

I'm sick and tired of hearing your crap! Just SHUT UP, SHUT UP!
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin
to Colin Kendrick

You sleep with a male duck. You're gay.
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels

That makes my sphincter cringe.
Back To Top-- Harold Coullard
Chris Conley's Grandpa

Women in general give great head. Not you specifically.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

We held it up for them.
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels

Pepermint patty is pissing me off.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

I can't grip it.
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels

Goals are just dreams with deadlines.
Back To Top-- Brian O'Connell

You guys, I'm gonna spank you.
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels

Quite frequently, I just don't get up. Usually it's in the morning.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin

I poked him in the buttox.
Back To Top-- Colin Kendrick

About the bullshit...Do we fuck it?
Back To Top-- Colin Kendrick

It was getting a little droopy on me the other day. I got a little scared.
Back To Top-- Chris Conley

I've got a big green noodle. Heh, I'm the incredible hulk!
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

It's got split ends?
Yeah.
Don't you condition them things? You gotta massage your pubes.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas & Willy Borkowski

Some of my pubes are grey, does that mean I'm getting too much action for my age.
Back To Top-- Willy Borkowski

Can I just show you a little patch?
You cannot stare directly into the pubes.
Back To Top-- Willy Borkowski & Damon Nicholas

Is that where all the things on my ass come from? I have these things on my ass.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

Is that grape juice?
Back To Top-- Chris Connelly
there were actually purple womens panties in his water bottle

I can get it in my mouth but I can't move.
Back To Top-- Chris Connelly
trying to drink a beer with his feet

I told you once and for all...I'm A Bitch!
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

When you're talking about Human Sexuality it takes on a whole new meaning when you say "My teacher sucks"
Back To Top-- Jessica Viskup

I'll never do it again except poking, poking is a repetitive action
Back To Top-- Kelly Price

You have a small head.
Back To Top-- Kelly Price

My favorite..ribbed..for him.
Back To Top-- Scott Bruining

Oh my gosh, that was so weird, you actually hit the spot that time.
Back To Top-- Kelly Price

That whatever has a big somethin
Back To Top-- Scott Bruining

Blah my ass
Back To Top-- Kelly Price

We have friends who use muff alot
Back To Top-- Jessica Viskup

He gets really pissed off when things pop out of him.
Wouldn't you?
Back To Top-- Jessica Viskup & Scott Bruining

I'm gonna do it with my eyes closed, I'll do it by feel...What are you doing you just keep going back and forth, I keep trying to make an opening and you keep blocking it.
Back To Top-- Kelly Price & Scott Bruining
Thumb Wrestling

Hey I can have a schlong?!
Back To Top-- Kelly Price

The ducky blew the bubbles off his wee wee.
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels

Dionne Warwick used to sing in those nympho-mercials.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

I'm not stupid. I just dupe-it.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

I Like facts.
She likes FAGS!
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels & Bill Dvorak

It's bald and I play with it.
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels

Is that OK that Katy is playing with your balls?
Those are mine?
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak & Damon Nicholas

So, how big is it hunny?
Back To Top-- Jennifer Palmer

Tell me when you can smell mine.
I cant smell yours, mine's too strong.
Back To Top-- Katy Bartels & Virna Lopez

Rick, my teeth are numb.
Back To Top-- Jessica Viskup

They shove it in my mouth. Now my head has juice all over it.
Back To Top-- Chris Connelly

It's OK, I swallowed. I can take another.
Back To Top-- Jessica Viskup

I like feeling peoples' heads. It's fun.
Back To Top-- Jessica Viskup
drunk wandering around the room actually rubbing peoples' heads

Life is like a city prostitute...you never know what disease is inside.
Back To Top-- Nick76

Your ass-hole never bleeds?
Back To Top-- Kathy Xydis

How about you Colin, what do you shove up your ass?
Back To Top-- Kathy Xydis

They're great! I mean, here is a negligible item where you dispense of a thousand dollars and the only discernible commitment or 'promise' you obtain from them is to foolishly expend an additional thousand dollars on yet another 'promise.' After liquidating the 'promise' to a 'promise' and surrendering a few thousand dollars, you must now adopt the conception that the second 'promise' encompasses yet a third 'promise' which will ultimately lead to the mutation of the male disposition... marriage (*shiver*). Where do I sign up?
Back To Top-- Scott Bruining

Did you just fart?
Ohh, you'll find out soon enough.
Back To Top-- Jeremy Kinnette & Bill Dvorak

You can finger it all the time, just don't tell me about it.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

I don't know how to shoot it.
Back To Top-- Jill McElligott

My banana is leaking all over me.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

But I knew him!
Back To Top-- Jill McElligott

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?
I'de probably call one of those 900 numbers or something.
Back To Top-- [unknown] & Damon Nicholas

Thats how you keep a man's pants up. Tell him you want to see his thing.
Back To Top-- Adam Lee

I heard your legs hurt from that last weekend with Lester.
No, I was just kidding.
Yeah right, and I studied.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin, Katy Bartels & Bill Dvorak

I'l never die...I'll just fade away into silicon.
Back To Top-- SeVeRn

I'll bet when she gets hard, she's got a huge cock. I wouldn't mind giving her head.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

I Bet If I was a girl, I would give damn good head. Thats why they become lesbians. Women know what feels good.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

I bed Adam and eve both had all sex organs. Adam had tits and Eve had a cock. It's just that Eve thought it was disguisting to smack around her cock and Adan thought he had a cock, why should he bother fondling his tits? Eventually, out of disuse, the opposit organs just fell off. Fuck Darwin's Theory of evolution.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

If I were a girl and I was getting raped, I would just go limp and pretend like I was enjoying it. Thay way, you don't get your ass beat.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

Is this "One to One" or "One to Many" concept really this difficult to understand?
I'm not sure, but I know those are sub-directories under my \NUDE_PICTURES\ directory.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin & Bill Dvorak

He's got lots of problems. I think they're all related to COBOL.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas
about Rick Conklin

Even if you play with it every day, it doesnt mean you're going to be good at it.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

I'll bet you have a receding pube line.
No, it's perfectly high.
Hmm, that's uncharacteristic for someone who plays with them as often as you do.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas & Rick Conklin

Girls will do all that giving head stuff, and they'll do that after a couple weeks. Thats not what I want right now. I don't want sex right now. It just doesnt concern me. Give me a week or so, but not right now.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

If you give me some more, I promise not to do it on your face again.
Back To Top-- John Stauffer

That meat's not for you Muffin.
Back To Top-- Jessica Viskup

You've got a big sausage.
Back To Top-- Sue Egel

Would you like to be alone with your Pina Colada?
Back To Top-- Jessica Viskup

I dont want to know what you did with that cat Tom.
Back To Top-- John Stauffer

I just lathered up my ass.
Does it smell like soap?
Nope, it smells like shit. You would think bubbles would be coming out.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas & Rick Conklin

They can kick us off the floor, but they can't make us leave.
Back To Top-- Adam Norton
after being kicked off Manchester 16 and camping out on the floor

Anything that can bleed for a week and not die is not human.
Back To Top-- Bill Conley
on women

People use drugs in the same way that a dog licks his balls. It feels good as long as you don't stop to think about what you're doing.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

It's a good thing small girls aren't as active as guys. This way, they don't get their legs all scraped up and we get to look at their nice legs.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin

No I don't want fucking pancakes. It's seven AM!
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin

She was so flat, the only elevation was an aroused nipple.
Back To Top-- Willy Borkowski
Regarding a past one night fling

It's hotter than two squirrels fucking in a wool sock in front of a fireplace.
Back To Top-- Donna Winkler
when the Watterson Towers air conditioner broke

I'm sweating like a nigger at a spelling bee.
Back To Top-- Scott Bruining
The day they turned off the Watterson Towers air conditioner.

Walt Harris is the poster boy for illegitimate kids.
Back To Top-- Joe Hodges
when the Chicago Bears player screwed up in a game.

He said I should download merc?
Back To Top-- Matt Stevenson
Regarding Internet Relay Chat Client mIRC.

I would fuck a 70 year old man. His big hairy balls just flopping in the wind.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio
Re: Keith's Neighbors

My job is to watch the vegetarian bar. I don’t even eat that "vegetarian food."
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

Listen, I'm sick of blowin'. Blow!
Back To Top-- Ellen St. Peters
regarding a cut on her finger

No Diggity. Lick my sackety.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

This pen is in my ass it in my ass!!!!
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

I wiggle it and I wiggle it and it falls off.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

PoOp is my friend!
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

If I cloned myself, I think I'd let myself get me up the butt.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

I like White Boys!
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

Jesus was a pimp, goin around touching people, I like to think I touch people in my own special way. I touch people with the amazment of my nads.
Back To Top-- Damon Nicholas

Consiousness: That annoying time between naps.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio

We don' luv dem ho's. I'm outta doe.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio

I hope she gets raped!
Back To Top-- Christiana Conklin

I wear kackis with sandals and really tight shirts.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio
immitating Jason Gbur

You try getting fucked in the ass and see if you can keep a steady head.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio

I'm being honest guys, I have no pride.
Back To Top-- Ryan Snyder

I've had those before; small balls.
Back To Top-- Willy Borkowski

I'm fat; I'm obese; I need help.
Back To Top-- Jennifer Wolcott

Never wash underwear with green fuzzy towels.
Back To Top-- Wes Janik

Bill, you have Hard Drive Herpes!
Back To Top-- Scott Bruining
about Bill's constant hard drive error problems

Chuck, if you ever want to get laid, play this song. Hasn't worked for me with this girl yet, but it could work!
Back To Top-- Willy Borkowski

You two guys want to come over and play with it later this week?
Back To Top-- Christine Perry
Requesting that Bill and Rick fix her computer.

Does that look cool?
No, it looks like you have your finger up your nose.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin and Tom Heintzman

Stop grabbing my breasts!
Back To Top-- Frank Stephens

I heard you have crescent shaped nuts.
Yeah, there's just more of them to love!
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio and Damon Nicholas

Willy, so are you going to drive me tomorrow or what?
Back To Top-- Jennifer Koenig

The difference between Big boobs and Small boobs is like climate control and air conditioning in a car. Sure, climate control is nice once in a while, but then sometimes you just need to settle for just AC.
Back To Top-- Bill Stephens
Talking Frank into scoring with a small boobed girl.

Tango guapa bolones.
You have nice looking feminin balls?
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin and Jeff Cucio

I said I think you have sex with my dad. Of course I don't have sex with my dad.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

I have a big tounge. I do a lot with my tongue. It's like Super tongue
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

Now who was it that found my nipple?
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin

Pinch that nipple off!
I can't grab it!
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio and Jen Koenig

Bill You have a nice rack.
If you wanna Titty-Fuck me at any time, just go ahead
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio and Bill Dvorak

How do I know if it recognized the drive?
When you go into NT Explorer, is it there?
I'm not afraid to admit it, I lose my keyboard and mouse when I boot up.
That's gotta make logging in difficult.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak and Rick Conklin
discussing Bill's CD Burner.

You will all get a chance to do the duty.
Back To Top-- Gery Chrisman
ISU professor

If watching Days Of Our Lives isn't helping you score, then try option B. Put on some Kenny G. Music.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak
about Willy's virginic relationship with Kristy

That's getting a little more dubuious.
Back To Top-- Gery Chrisman
What the hell is dubious?

You'll find out now that you're past your prime that the number of beers you can handle far outstrips the number of women you can handle. It's one of those facts of life we don't publish often.
Back To Top-- Jeff Janik
My Uncle regarding my 20th birthday

I can't do all of you guys at once!
Back To Top-- Jennifer Koenig
To Jeff Cucio, Bill Dvorak and Rick Conklin when asking for backrubs.

How do you expect to do all three of us with your mouth shut?
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio

That's how you pronounce her name. Like if a jig came up to you and told you he was going to shoot you in the head. You'de say 'Kay Nig.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak
regarding the pronounciation of Jennifer Koenig's last name.

You just suck it.
Back To Top-- Jennifer Wolcott

That drink's got a big dick it it.
Yeah, it's a penis colada.
That one is two bucks a head.
Two bucks for what?
Back To Top-- Big Bill Dvorak, Skipper Borkowski

She met him in church, chased him around the pew and caught him by the organ.
Back To Top-- Skipper Borkowski

I want that shot that goes down my throat.
Back To Top-- Lisa Warning

Are you sure there's something in here cause I'm not going to suck on this for nothing.
Back To Top-- Jennifer Wolcott

Alright, get done with him, then you can start on me.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio

There are a lot of similarities between fucking a guy in the ass and fucking a chick in the ass.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio
trying to make a point. Still undetermined.

Dude, your speedometer is broken. No matter how fast I go, it never goes above 20mph.
Rick, are you sure you're not looking at the tachometer?
Oh yeah. Sorry about that.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin and Jeff Cucio

The day I rape and kill anything but an ant.
You rape ants?
Oh, wait. That came out wrong.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak and Jeff Cucio

Spock, don’t let your alligator mouth overload your canary ass!
Back To Top-- Greg Flint
Telling spock to shut his mouth after yelling at a woman in the stairwell

Put it in your mouth.
I can't take it all at once.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin & Ellen St. Peters

Assholes are off limits
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio

Instead of using AOL, do something constructive.
Back To Top-- Jason M. Bockenek

Doesn't it make you cough when you put it in too far?
Back To Top-- Lisa Warning
actually talking about Q-Tips in the ear.

I can't put my lips on it. Then it would shoot me in the back of the throat.
Back To Top-- Jennifer Koenig
about her asthma inhaler

You pull out all your ear hair and ear wax, next thing you know it's Star Trek: Revenge of Khan all over again.
Back To Top-- Pat McClintick

I obviously cannot physically abuse her. Maybe I'll mentally abuse her, I don’t know...something really violent.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

You wouldn't mind eating her out too right?
No, sometimes it tastes like chicken, sometimes it tastes like teriaki sauce.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio & Bill Dvorak
watching internet porn

Friday I'm ready to get Fucked.
Back To Top-- Jennifer Wolcott
preparing for a heavy study load.

Hey Lisa, You have Eight Noses!
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin
Said when he was Drunk.

Isn't this better? Now all of you can have sex with me.
Back To Top-- Scott Bruining
After re-arranging his room to move his bed closer to the floor.

I'm not a very good cut and paster.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

Did you ever get beat up Chuck? Did you ever rape a dog? Did you ever rape a helpless elderly woman?
Nope.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak and Jason Bockenek (Chuck)

I just want a while!
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin

I never want to feel a head between my legs...well, at least not that situation
Back To Top-- Kelly Monroe
Smith 2 R.A.

I'm goin shoot this across the room. I hope I don't hit anybody again.
Back To Top-- Greg Flint

Go ahead and play with man
Back To Top-- Tim Hockins
re: linux MAN command

MAN is your friend. Learn it. Use it. It's your friend
Back To Top-- Tim Hockins
re: linux MAN command

I want a big rubber...nevermind
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin

It just went to the back of my throat and I swallowed.
Back To Top-- Greg Flint
while speaking of a shot of "fire water" alcohol

I'm pulling CoBOL out of places I don’t think I should be pulling CoBOL.
Back To Top-- Greg Flint

You know, if i worked in an ER, there's no way I'd go fishing in somebody's butt for a bullet
Back To Top-- Iggy

God knows when I need a clean shit. One time when we were at starved rock, I had to shit but there was no toilet paper. God knew and he gave me a clean shit.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

Don't Fuck You! I say that cause it gets my point across and it makes people wonder. It keeps them sharp.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

Aww, Lara, I would fuck your grandpa! Oh wait, that’s not what I meant.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

If I was giving head, I would force myself to get it all in.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio

Shoot for the moon, because if you miss, you'll still be among the stars.
True, but what they don’t tell you is that you'll be floating endlessly without oxygen out in space.
Back To Top-- [unknown] and Jeff Cucio

Enjoy every moment and create them to remember.
Back To Top-- Kristin Bures

I love beautiful fat puffy vaginas.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin

You got her going. Dance white boy, Dance!
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak
regarding Nikki bringing rick on stage

You'de better check the FAQ before you ask your FAQ or I might smack the crack...of yo ass.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin
to Jeff Cucio

I fuck ants because beetles are too loose. That’s the way I feel.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

After being here [at ISU] for seven yearswhat else do I have to loose?
Your virginity?
Back To Top-- Jason Stefanich and Jeff Cucio

I wouldent mind licking an anus, but I wouldent want her to go take a shit and then come back in.
Back To Top-- John Stauffer

I like a big dirty piece of butt pie!
Back To Top-- John Stauffer

Are you done already?
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin to Jeff Cucio

My pants are completely around my knees.
[. . . ] I'm going down now.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin & Jeff Cucio

Did you pull it out while I was there?
Back To Top-- Jenni Wolcott

So, Chuck, do you play with yourself? Only during chanaukh.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio and "Chuck" Bockenek

I'm so tired from all the blowjobs yesterday.
Back To Top-- Kelly Monroe
Smith 2 R.A.

Wanna see my big hole? I'll show it off.
Back To Top-- Art Golk

My sister shoud be a lesbian.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

No, S#TOP! I just went through 3 pairs of underwear in 5 minutes.
Back To Top-- Gina Rizzo
a squeezy cheese accident

She's just like one of the guys. . .except I want to fuck her.
Back To Top-- John Phillips
about Keith's Girlfriend Melissa

Yall want us to clean yo roo?
What are you saying? We don't speak jive.
Back To Top-- Cleaning Lady and Jason Bockenek
African American Room Service at Mardi-Gras Hotel

You know the soft spot on babies heads? It's a bull's eye. Treat is as such.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin
kiddingly, on child discipline

I believe in beating children. They should wake up two hours later in a puddle of their own blood and piss wondering what the hell they did wrong.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin
kiddingly, on child discipline

I don't like to take it all at once.
Back To Top-- Stacy Special

I cant swallow when something that big is in my mouth.
Back To Top-- Nikki Dvorak

Rick, there's no shame in therapy.
Back To Top-- Tom Heintzman

When I got an earring, the first thing I did was go and fuck my pastor.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

She's had practice, she can swallow without water.
Back To Top-- Anna Meyers
re: Kristin Wilde

My tail bone is sooo sore!
I aint touching that one.
Back To Top-- Kristin Bures and Jeff Cucio

I just put my hand on it and it shot all over the wall.
Back To Top-- Lisa DeHaan
Talking about the Horton Fieldhouse water fountain.

My hole is very nice, it went in easy! It didn't hurt at all!
Back To Top-- Jennifer Koenig
about her new earring

There is no way your hardware will ever be able to catch up to a 35o mhz processor. You will never have to upgrade.
Back To Top-- John Stauffer
will he be proven wrong?

Wasn't me head good?
Back To Top-- Gina Rizzo
Re: the photo editing job she did if a face picture.

So this guy is whaling on my ass, but I would just laugh. The more I laughed, the more he just whaled on me.
Back To Top-- Mike Giovani

I've kissed more girls than he has...er guys.
Back To Top-- Lisa DeHaan

Besides my gynocologist, I've never had anyone rub my tummy.
Back To Top-- Lisa DeHaan

I don't understand how you can just sit there and feel nothing while to me it feels nearly orgasmic.
Back To Top-- Lisa DeHaan
getting a massage from Keith Cucio

I do it harded to your brother.
Back To Top-- John Phillips

I passed that shit like a scooter on the highway!
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio

Now I have lumps in my throat from that.
Back To Top-- Jennifer Koenig

I just feel like whacking balls.
Back To Top-- Lisa DeHaan
discussing tennis

Willy is such a big, immense man. I could see him having a tiny dick. He is over-compensating.
Back To Top-- Lisa DeHaan

When it gets cold your dick sucks up inside of your body. It is called a turtle.
I like turtles.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio and Lisa DeHaan
discussing the cooling factor of male testicles.

It is definitely the balls that smell.
Back To Top-- Lisa DeHaan

I'll drink anything you give me.
Back To Top-- Amanda Florip

He was so gorgeous, like suck his cock hot!
Back To Top-- Lisa DeHaan

Fuck it! That stupid nigger needs his fucking ass kicked klan style. I'm going to bed.
Back To Top-- Stan [undisclosed]
immadiately before being ejected forcefully from an ISU dorm premanently.

Do you know what a relational wall is?
If it's anything like a hymen, I busted that shit a long time ago.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin & Kieth Cucio
the concept of object containing databases

It's like Greg Luganus and Bill's hairy anus.
Yeah, they're both gay.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio & Bill Dvorak

Noone's ever gone down.
Back To Top-- Jennifer Koenig
about going downtown

Did I forget to tell you that my whole throat is numb from swallowing this stuff down? It's just rolling down my throat.
Back To Top-- Lisa DeHaan
about OraGel topical aniseptic.

You just have to grab me and redirect me.
Back To Top-- Beth Knowles
lost in the North building of CNA

Do you want my box now?
Back To Top-- Beth Knowles
asking mover if he needs her desk supplies

What happened to my pants. Like honest to god, what happened to my pants.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak

She's fucked if I'm her daughter.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak
commenting how the actress on TV would be having intercourse with him had they been related

Why is it I always end up naked in conversations like these?
Back To Top-- Beth Knowles
the only girl at the breakfast table discussing...

Give me your sausage.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin
to Kris Barry actually asking for sausage

There is not just one beaver, there are many, many beavers.
Back To Top-- Beth Knowles

I've stalked the bitch enough, you'de think I'de know her roommates.
Back To Top-- Bill Dvorak
re: Beth Knowles

Have you ever seen male camel toe? I'm going for it.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin

I'm going to stop coming over here..I'm sick of being wet all the time.
Back To Top-- Meghan Mahoney
Reggie the Redbird

She crancks it every 30 seconds, otherwise it stops.
Back To Top-- Anna Meyers
Re: Manual Film Cameras

I like the ones with the goop in the middle...It gives me a reason to suck them.
Back To Top-- Karin Reichensperger
Re: Cough drops with soothing filling

Where's your hot roommate?
Back To Top-- Jamie Nowlin
At a bar in Bloomington, IL. Re: ?

Look, Big Bill and Little Bill hitting on Terri.
That'de be a weird double-team.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio and Rick Conklin

Eat it like a dog!
Back To Top-- Terri Gonzalez

I hate sitting here just getting blasted in the face.
Back To Top-- Rick Conklin
re: loud computer speakers

How big is your package?
Back To Top-- Arie LaRiviere
Questioning the size of our dinner package

Would you put your meat on this?
Back To Top-- Arie LaRiviere
Handing me a plate

Did you pull it out?
Back To Top-- Jill Thompson
Her printer paper

My love for you comes from my spine.
Back To Top-- Jeff Cucio
After being told that a man's spine is an erogoneous zone.

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