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Mature Quotes

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Back To Top-- Emo Phillips

You can’t remember sex. You can remember the fact of it, and recall the setting, and even the details, but the sex of the sex cannot be remembered, the substantive truth of it, it is by nature self-erasing, you can remember its anatomy and be left with a judgment as to the degree of your liking of it, but whatever it is as a splurge of being, as a loss, as a charge of the conviction of love stopp ing your heart like your execution, there is no memory of it in the brain, only the deduction that it happened and that time passed, leaving you with a silhouette that you want to fill in again.
Back To Top-- E. L. Doctorow
U.S. novelist. The narrator in Billy Bathgate, ch. 16 (1989)

Drug misuse is not a disease, it is a decision, like the decision to step out in front of a moving car. You would call that not a disease but an error of judgment.
Back To Top-- Philip K. Dick
1928-82, science fiction writer. A Scanner Darkly, Author’s Note (1977)

Is sex addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating.
Back To Top-- Richard Neville
Journalist. Playpower, Johnny Pot Wears Gold Sandals and a Black Derby Hat

I remeber it well. She wore a flannel --ripped. Her nose ring glistened like a morning dewdrop. She danced with ease, never once spilling her beer. Damn. Of all the dollar-pitcher joints in all the college towns in the world --she had to walk into mine. Ah, college romance. Instead of dressing up, spritzing on colone and trying to remember which is the salad fork, we're hooking up, popping in gum to cover up beer breath and trying to remember what name we gave to the person we're dancing with.
Back To Top-- Bonnie Datt
"Courtship Adjourned" an article on the end of traditoinal dating

...Everyone's too damned sensitive these days. I see people now, kids, right out of college, and they really think they should never have to expierience an unpleasant moment. Nobody should ever say anything they dont like or tell a joke they don't like, but the thing is, nobody can make a world be the way they wan't it to be all the time. Things always happen that embarras you or piss you off. That's life...I don't get bent out of shape. Who has time for this crap? Not me.
Back To Top-- Richard Jackson
by Michael Crichton in "Disclosure"

Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route.
Back To Top-- [unknown]

The prerequisite for making love is to like someone enourmously.
Back To Top-- Helen Gurley Brown

I drink to make other people interesting.
Back To Top-- George Jean Nathan

I actually can't think of anything more aggressive than actually sticking something into someone.
Back To Top-- Graham Hill
If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you.

You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.
Back To Top-- Moureen Liman

As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients," but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
Back To Top-- Dick Wilson

'Tis better to have loved and lost, then paid for it and not liked it.
Back To Top-- [unknown]

You don't wanna get laid, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon, you gotta talk to 'em
Back To Top-- [unknown]

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Back To Top-- Homer Simpson
Matt Groening

24 hours a day; 24 beers in a case...Coicidence?
Back To Top-- [unknown]

They're just jealous because they don't have three wise men and a virgin in the whole organization.
Back To Top-- Mayor Vincent J. Cianci
on the ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed

I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most horrifying 20 minutes of my life!
Back To Top-- [unknown]

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Back To Top-- Billy Crystal
in "City Slickers"

We need laws that protect everyone. men and women, straights and gays, regardless of sexual perversion...ah, persuasion.
Back To Top-- Bella Abzug

Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Back To Top-- Woody Allen

A "no" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
Back To Top-- Mahatma Gandhi

The filter is the best part, thats where they put the heroin. Only us real good fucking smokers know that secret.
Back To Top-- Dennis Leary

As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children.
Back To Top-- Anita Bryants

It is not difficult to deceive the first time, for the deceived possesses no antibodies; unvaccinated by suspicion, she overlooks latenesses, accepts absurd excuses, permits the flimsiest patchings to repair great rents in the quotidian.
Back To Top-- John Updike
(b. 1932) regarding Adultry

It doesn’t do good to open doors for someone who doesn’t have the price to get in. If he has the price, he may not need the laws. There is no law saying the Negro has to live in Harlem or Watts.
Back To Top-- Ronald Reagan
(b. 1911) on Affirmative Action

The presence of the blacks is the greatest evil that threatens the United States. They increase, in the Gulf States, faster than do the whites. They cannot be kept for ever in slavery, since the tendencies of the modern world run strongly the other way. They cannot be absorbed into the white population, for the whites will not intermarry with them, not even in the North where they have been free for two generations. Once freed, they would be more dangerous than now, because they would not long submit to be debarred from political rights. A terrible struggle would ensue.
Back To Top-- James Bryce
(1838-1922) on African Americans

Those of you who think you know everything, are pissing off those of us who really do.
Back To Top-- [unknown]

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
Back To Top-- [unknown]

You know your not drunk if you can lay flat on the floor without holding on.
Back To Top-- [unknown]

Excuse me. Your...em...your, your wind?
Yes, my wind. How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow!
You know I don't...I don't have a...have a problem with that.
Back To Top-- Ross & Rachel from Friends

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
Back To Top-- Mark Twain

Remember, if you smoke after sex your doing it too fast.
Back To Top-- [unknown]

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.
Back To Top-- Matt Groening
From "Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk" in Life In Hell

You, sir, are drunk.
Yes. But you, madam, are ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning.
Back To Top-- Woman to Winston Churchill & Winston Churchill

Seduction is a mutual endeavor, in which I conspire with a woman to give her an opening to do what she wants to do without reminding her that this goes against her principles.
Back To Top-- Garrison Keilor

If a man in a frock singing 'I Will Survive' does nothing for you, you have led a sad and sheltered existence. Get out, get a daiquiri and get a life.
Back To Top-- [unknown]

Bad hair day? Put on a hat and go to work you superficial cunt!
Back To Top-- George Carlin

Procrastination is like masturbation, it feels good while you're doin it, but in the end you're only screwin yourself.
Back To Top-- [unknown]

Fighting for peace is like Fucking for Virginity.
Back To Top-- Cory Fletcher

Assumption is the mother of all FUCK-Ups
Back To Top-- Under Seige 2

There are three reasons for breast-feeding: The milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can't get it.
Back To Top-- Irena Chalmers

DON'T keep changing hands. DON'T keep changing speeds. DON'T stop when "it" starts to "you know." And, DON'T have "it" pointed towards you, unless you want to get drenched.
Back To Top-- [unknown]
age 32, California

In school, I had more C's than a Spanish couple reaching simultaneous orgasm.
Back To Top-- Dennis Miller

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Back To Top-- Catherine Zandonella

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Back To Top-- Dave Barry

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
Back To Top-- David Moulton

Why when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute?
Back To Top-- [unknown]

Women loose their virginity when they want, men loose it when they can
Back To Top-- [unknown]

"Someday My Prince Will Come", said Snow White, changing hands for the fifth time.
Back To Top-- English Catch Phrase

If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
Back To Top-- George Carlin

If all the girls attending the Yale-Harvard game were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.
Back To Top-- Dorothy Parker

Nymphomania...Illness that you hear about but never encounter.
Back To Top-- Gary Tooze

There's a big difference between the Spice Girls and a porno movie. Porno movies have better music.
Back To Top-- Phil Specter
As quoted by National Public Radio

Everyone needs belief in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Back To Top-- Homer Simpson

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